Emotional Well-Being - also called Emotional Health - can look different for everyone. The foundations of Emotional Well-Being, however, are universal to everyone, and we can all agree that having strong Mental and Emotional Well-Being looks and feels great!
There are many factors both within and beyond your control that can contribute to your ability to maintain a healthy well-being. How you feel and process your own emotions as well as those of others, your ability to communicate effectively, your deeply held thoughts and beliefs, and your willingness to overcome challenges and become resilient are all factors that impact your Emotional Well-Being.
Your past experiences contribute to your current Emotional Well-Being in ways you may or may not be aware of.
Your subconscious beliefs, brain health, and the existence of trauma in your childhood are just three examples of ways your past could be affecting your present well-being.
The newest Brain Science research is revealing that many mental health disorders have a significant brain health component.
For example, Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBIs) or even consistent impacts to the brain, commonly seen in sports such as soccer or football, can be the source of anxiety, depression, impulse control, and anger issues, often resulting in alcohol or drug abuse. Our minds, consciousness, thoughts, and emotions are all products of activity in the brain, so when healthy activity is disrupted or diminished, it can lead to brain health issues that manifest in our thoughts, the ways we perceive the world, and how we interpret cause and effect from an emotional perspective.
The number one reason people suffer emotionally is from having the belief that “I am not enough.” The belief that you are not enough is connected to the way you view others, the world, and yourself, and you may not even be consciously aware that you have this negative and false belief.
Many of my clients either consciously or subconsciously are suffering with issues directly related to their childhood. Some of the most common issues my adult clients experienced in their childhoods are:
Having critical, over-demanding, narcissistic or emotionally absent parents
An unstable living environment
Problems with learning and school-related activities
Abuse or significant trauma
Bullying
Childhood trauma that occurred before the age of 12 is often the root cause for the deep-seated negative self-beliefs that adults have like “I am not enough”.
Because the human brain doesn’t begin to develop the ability to think critically and logically until around the age of 12, children are like sponges. They take in experiences without being able to process them critically or logically. Children believe in Santa Claus for this very reason.
When a young child experiences trauma or abuse, even in situations that may seem insignificant to an adult, they tend to internalize stories about themselves, such as lacking self confidence or having a fear of rejection, and they live as if these beliefs are facts. Since they grow up living with these beliefs as if they are true, they don’t just go away when the child becomes an adult.
For example, if your mother shames you for losing the buttons off your coat, and accuses you of ruining her life, you accept that as a 10 year old. A 10 year old doesn't think, “My mom has issues and she's taking them out on me,” they think, “I have issues and I should be ashamed.” They then see themselves as “bad” rather than seeing the event or person creating the trauma as “bad” and feel that they are responsible for other people's emotions. Now they are an adult who feels shame and doesn't even remember where that came from because they may not remember the original experience or situation.
Luckily, with the understanding of a few essentials, you can begin to unpack what may be causing your Emotional Well-Being to suffer. The first step to understanding is to increase your awareness of your thoughts, beliefs, expectations, and interpretations of past experiences.
Awareness means being present to witness the thoughts you are having. You may not even realize you are having the same negative recurring thoughts that are causing you to form negative beliefs about yourself and others. Most of the time, these negative thoughts that are on repeat in our brains are not even true. In order to process and overcome these subconscious thoughts and beliefs, we must become aware of them first.
Next time you are having a conversation with someone and they say something that triggers you, become aware of what triggered you and what your reaction is.
Some signals that you may be getting triggered are:
Immediately becoming defensive
Feeling diminished or bad about yourself
Wanting to shut down or withdraw
Feeling sick to your stomach
A sense of tingling or flushing in the face or neck
What you’re looking for is a knee-jerk reaction that your body often presents for you without actually thinking about WHY that reaction is occurring. This is where you should stop, take a deep breath and think about what actually happened. Ask yourself
“What were the actual words that they said?”
Then realize how those words made you feel and start to question WHY you feel the way you do.
When you slow down and use your analytical brain, your emotions cannot get the best of you. Emotions are always caused by our own thoughts and by thinking logically you can decrease your emotionally-fueled reactions.
A great quote to remember in these times is,
“You are responsible for your second thought and your first action.”
Many times we cannot control our initial thought in a situation and it is often influenced by our past experiences, bias, trauma, socioeconomic status, parents, siblings, and overall upbringing. You do however have the power to control your second thought. Using awareness, slowing down, and taking a breath before having a reactive second thought positions you to respond gracefully.
If you remember in the beginning of this blog, I said, “How you feel and process your own emotions as well as those of others, your ability to communicate effectively, and your willingness to overcome challenges and build resiliency are all factors that impact your Emotional Well-Being.” In practicing awareness, here and now, you are learning to better understand your needs and emotions which puts you in a place to better communicate and ultimately overcome challenges and build resiliency.
The better you understand yourself and the root causes of your emotions, the more confident you will become in communicating openly with those around you. Strong communication skills highly impact your resiliency, which is the last key element of Emotional Well-Being that we will discuss in this blog.
Resiliency is a highly-valued skill, and many times people do not even realize how it is developed. The best way to develop resilience is to fail and see the failure as an isolated incident rather than generalizing yourself as a failure. Learn from your failures while keeping your sense of self intact. In doing so you prove to yourself that you are capable of doing hard things, and when you know that you can take a “hit” and get back up, it builds confidence and resilience.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with their Emotional Well-Being, schedule a Complimentary Discovery Call today and learn how you can gain a deeper understanding of your Emotional Well-Being and how to actively overcome your struggles with Coach Monique’s proven and trademarked tools, techniques, and strategies for Unlocking Bold Change™.
