How to Abandon Your Fear of Abandonment

Do you suspect you have a fear of abandonment?

People who struggle with a fear of abandonment often deal with

Does this sound like you?

If it does, you might have a fear of being abandoned.

We are not always consciously aware of our fear of abandonment. Let me share with you a personal experience…

When I was a child, I felt emotionally abandoned and often lived in fear that one of my parents would leave me. This of course led to anxiety and fear on my part as a child.

As an adult, I often struggled with the “separation” that inevitably came in my adult relationships; for example, saying goodbye at the end of a date, having my husband leave for work, and certainly when my husband would travel for work without me. But I did not understand the cause. I believed that it was because I loved them and wanted to be with them, or that I was simply uncomfortable being left alone.

This manifested in ways where I would get irritated or even argumentative as we would be saying our goodbyes, whether it was just for a few hours or an extended business trip and after he would leave, I would feel “down” or sad until I distracted myself with an activity or jumped on the phone to call a friend or relative in an effort to soothe myself for feeling alone.

Then one day I was sitting at the kitchen table when I heard my husband grab his keys to leave to go to the gym. At that moment, I had the realization I was afraid he was leaving me. The fact that my husband went to the gym almost daily and always returned hours later had absolutely no bearing on my reaction because it wasn’t conscious and like most negative emotional reactions, was certainly not logical.

In that moment, I had that sudden and unexpected awareness and everything shifted for me. As soon as I recognized what had been happening, I made the connection that was rooted in my lifelong fear of being abandoned. This created an immediate shift and I was able to easily say goodbye and today, I sometimes even look forward to those goodbyes to enjoy time to myself.

That is the power of discovering what you don’t know that you don’t know.